Overtime

On Thursday I went to the twice-monthly meeting for mureeds. We listened to some reading on HIK's take on funerals (burying better than cremation because the body goes back to the earth, where it came from) and did some dances. Someone brought a 1000-bead tasbih and we all did 1000 wazifas. Then Friday was the zikr, which was attended by Tasnim, who has come from California. I felt her energy there, and caught some of my own. But so often I catch myself thinking that I am not like the others in that I don't feel the strong stuff that they do. Like ferinstance for over a month I have been trying to focus on that black spot to release the ego, but the internal monolog continues and the spot does not come.

I also drummed for Lhari as he sang the ilahis (Turkish call-and-response songs, I think). I like music and have been enjoying playing my tars very much, although lately have been thinking I should maybe find a guide. As if I have progressed so far and now find myself stuck at some invisible boundary. But that brings me back to the topic of time shortage.

Betty Lou and I are going to the beach this weekend, and we'll stay on Emerald Isle, at Trinity Center, which is where we went for the Sufi retreat with Saadi in August. I am looking forward to getting away from the everyday routine. Will definitely take a drum or two, and maybe my guitar as well.